you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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