So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
