I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
