my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
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I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
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There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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