I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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