As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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