He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
