i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
