Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
