You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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