Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
