There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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