watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
