1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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