The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
