I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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