I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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