no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
