i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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