i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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