how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
