the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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