Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
