Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
