Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
