She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Holy sore nipples Batman
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
