how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
