He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
