I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
