I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
