I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so let's talk penis.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
