I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
