OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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