Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
