I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
