ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
