She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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