Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
