I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
