We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Drake has all the answers
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
