He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
