WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
