meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
