The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
