Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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