My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
