Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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