My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
