dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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