When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It all started with a game of naked twister.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
