i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it because I queefed?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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