My first STD was from a foam party
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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