Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
