Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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