I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
