Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
