haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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