I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
