I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
