the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
