She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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