Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
the liver wants what the liver wants
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
