Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
