YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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