farters have to be the big spoon...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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