If that was your dad, he is hot
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
