i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
