I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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