It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
