I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My dick has a subreddit
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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