Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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