i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
