I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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