Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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