I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
