i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
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Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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