He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
