The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
