from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
