Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
