You can't motorboat a personality
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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